Need Feedback on my one liner
Shared by hemanshu · 567d ago · 26 comments

We're PeerUp: PeerUp will be a Productivity & Networking App for Online Learners.

Please Reply:
☞ Yes, I understand
☞ No I don't understand

elias@guineapig.app · 567d ago

No, I don't understand. I recommend this a lot on Pioneer, but it really is the best resource I've found on how to pitch your startup. Have a look: https://www.ycombinator.com/library/6q-how-to-pitch-your-startup

Some quick feedback:
- I'd avoid capitalizing words mid sentence for "Productivity", "Networking App", and "Online Learners".
- Don't use "will", just describe it as if it already exists.
- I'd try to pitch it like you would explain it to a friend. Either on the format "We're X for Y" or "We help X do Y (by Z)".
- My best attempt to pitch you back from your pitch: "PeerUp is Google Docs for online courses". "PeerUp is an app that helps students create and share notes for online courses." As you can see, it's very hard to guess exactly what type of productivity or networking a user would get from your pitch. Does productivity mean notes or tasks? Does networking mean sharing and collaboration, or some type of Tinder or LinkedIn style connections?

You're well on your way since you're actively seeking feedback! Best of luck!

hemanshu · 567d ago

Thanks for a constructive feedback, I will try to work on that.

elias@guineapig.app · 567d ago

You'll get it! We're all in the same boat. Even Pioneer has changed their pitch on their landing page multiple times in the last few months ;) From "A fully remote accelerator" to "Find product-market fit" to "The network for ambitious outsiders".

hemanshu · 565d ago

How this sounds?
PeerUp is a productivity app, which allow online learners to find peers to learn together and track progress.

elias@guineapig.app · 565d ago

I'd say it's a bit clearer, but still not quite there yet. I think the "productivity" part makes it a bit hard to guess still. I'm now guessing that I can log onto your app, find other people taking similar online courses as I am, and connect with them in some sort of community or forum where we can also see how far along everyone is. But when you say productivity I'm thinking of todos and task managers, and I'm not sure how that fits in there. Try pitching it as "We're X for Y" first by finding similar services. Then, see how these services pitch themselves. Then create your full pitch by modeling them. That's the best advice I can come up with. Good luck, keep at it!

tosh · 567d ago

try to be more specific and perhaps drop the "and" (is it about productivity OR about networking?)

I'd also drop phrasing like "will be" and shorten it

PeerUp is a peer-to-peer online learning platform, learning together is better

(?)

hemanshu · 567d ago

Yes, it's more clear. I will try to improve that.
Thank You for your feedback.

Blake · 567d ago

No - I don't understand - make it : PeerUp - Learn Faster, With Others

hemanshu · 567d ago

Not faster but with others, yes.
Thank You for your feedback.

Blake · 567d ago

People want 'faster' - games and other things are free all over the place. Time is the most valuable asset they have. Just a thought.

AndyDent-Touchgram · 565d ago

Understand roughly, but would change it significantly, eg:

Do you learn best with others? PeerUp for online learning.

Learning alone is hard. PeerUp connects & supports you.

In your current tagline:

- Repeating the name wastes characters
- Online is the default, don't need to say it
- will be is going to change to is hopefully soon, don't sabotage interest by saying it.
- you don't say what problem you're trying to solve other than implying it by mentioning (just) your solution.

I think you have a great brand name!

hemanshu · 565d ago

Thanks for a constructive feedback.
How this sounds?
PeerUp is a productivity app, which allow online learners to find peers to learn together and track progress.

AndyDent-Touchgram · 565d ago

Why say it's productivity - sounds like you're over-emphasizing something. You wouldn't call it an unproductive app ;-)

The general category of productivity apps are associated with things like TODO lists and calendars, so I get there's some fit here. But, you want to emphasize the most important things. Is productivity more important than being a learner or finding peers ?

Slouischarles · 567d ago

No, I don't understand.

Will your focus be on the social aspect of learning with others as the name suggests or some kind of productivity tool for learning?

I like the idea PeerUp: Learn With Others as I'm instantly interested.

"PeerUp is a Productivity and Networking App for online learners to accomplish their learning goals every time." Sounds really vague.

hemanshu · 566d ago

Yes, I need to work on it.
Thank You for your feedback.

phaethon-psichis · 567d ago

No I don't understand

phaethon-psichis · 567d ago

peerup helps learners accomplish learning objectives faster and better

hemanshu · 567d ago

Yes, you get it right, not faster but better.
Thank You for your feedback.

loophq.com · 567d ago

No - I dont understand
I would add some specificity
is this a social network?
who are the customers?
is everyone who learns online a potential customer?

have you seen https://www.copy.ai?

hemanshu · 567d ago

Thank You for your feedback.
I will try copy.ai

manojranaweera · 554d ago

Yes. How much work would be needed to find the right peer? Would the system auto-suggest based on personality?

hemanshu · 554d ago

It will be based on commitment

Neersol.com · 565d ago

Repetition of name within the statement is a wasted space. Hou can start straightaway with what it is -- We're PeerUp- A productivity and networking .....

hemanshu · 565d ago

Thanks for your feedback.
How this sounds?
PeerUp is a productivity app, which allow online learners to find peers to learn together and track progress.

hemanshu · 566d ago

How this sounds?
PeerUp is a productivity app, which allow online learners to find peers to learn together and track progress.

jaymatthews · 561d ago

Hey! I always love innovations that help and enable learning. I am sure you have some great stuff you have been working on. I'm still not entirely sure what the draw is for this app or how it integrates with learning content or the type of data it takes. I wonder if there's a way to still keep it short but to integrate some of the branding narrative into the one-liner?

It's maybe a bit too far out, but one of the things I love about poetry is that often very few words are said, but because of the specific words used it means a lot to whoever hears it. I wonder if there's also a way to tap into the social imagination to a greater degree, or a way to make your pitch more enticing and like something I just wouldn't be able to live without, or some other sort of hook that resonates with people.